I am just a typical, average woman here sharing my heart about love and marriage. David and I have been blessed with a pretty good marriage. We are one of the few couples I know that hardly ever argue. That is not to say that our marriage has always been fantastic. We have had more than our fair share of struggles, we have just been able to work through things and survive as a couple.
During the past 24 years I have learned a lot. I have changed and I have grown as a wife and a person.
Lessons I have learned
God always is in control and His timing is perfect. As most of you know David and I struggled with infertility for many years. This was a struggle for us physically, emotionally and spiritually. It was not until after we had Caleb that I understood why God made us wait so long. When we first started planning our family David and I thought we were ready, but God knew we were not. He planned our 1st child at the right time. His timing was perfect. I was disappointed after I graduated college that I did not find a job right away. Once again in this situation God was in control and his timing was perfect. When our adoption plans did not go as we expected, once again God showed his control over our lives and that his timing is perfect. Madilyn was the child that he had planned for us, had our plans worked out we would not have her in our lives.
Forgive and Forget. Don’t hold a grudge, even when you spouse tries to shoot you in the middle of the night.
People change. I was 18 years old when David and I got married. He had just turned 21. We are not the same people we were on the day we said, “I do.” We were not the same people a few years after the “I do’s” were exchanged. Life and experience happened and changed who we were as individuals and as a couple. We have learned to love and accept each other at every stage of life, no matter what changes may occur. Neither of us will ever be perfect, but if we accept each other as we are life can and will be good.
Infertility is not a one person issue. Both spouses are affected by infertility. Even though it may be your body that is not cooperating your spouse is still hurting and still going through the same pain as you are experiencing. I took me a very long time to learn this lesson.
Extend Grace. No one is perfect, because we are imperfect we must love, respect, forgive and show grace. Even when we do not feel like showing those things, we must.
Be positive. David is the most positive person I have ever met. He can always see the good through the bad. He can always find something positive about every situation. I am far from him in this outlook, but I have learned over the years to always seek out the positive in every situation. We can not live in the negatives and expect to have a happy, healthy life. I have learned from him to try to find the positive in every situation.
Be Thankful. In all things be thankful, even if it seems little or insignificant. Thank your spouse for the things t hey do to help you and the family. Thank you spouse for working and supporting the family. Thank you spouse for putting family first. Cultivate a heart of gratitude and show thankfulness on a daily basis.
The simple things matter. It is the simple things that have kept us connected. Little love notes. Coming home to a clean kitchen when expecting to have to do it yourself. All these things are free, but show how much you care for your spouse.
It’s not about the wedding. We eloped. The judge was eating a sandwich and looked at us like, “ok I will marry you but you will be divorced in a few years.” There were no flowers, or fancy dresses. There was not a big reception, a hole in the wall Mexican place was were we ended up after the ceremony. At first I was disappointed that we did not get my dream wedding, however as time passed I realized that the “show” means nothing. A wedding in itself means nothing. Marriage is about everyday that follows.
I have learned a lot more, but this post is already so long. I am sure in the years to come I will learn even more through my marriage.